Will you lose your power if you do? Will you lose goddess points?
This is what I was asked by C., and she's given me permission to share her question:
"Mimi, I hope you're doing well and this note find you in high spirits, especially on Labor Day.
"As a follower of your emails, I would love your thoughts on how to be hard to get after my most recent experience.
"I've been dating a guy for a little more than a year. Everything has been great especially since I have always been hard to get from the beginning. He is the pursuer and I am the pursued.
"Unfortunately things took a turn for the worse when we started talking marriage, and I started pushing for a ring on my timeline.
"At first he seemed fine with the deadline, but then ultimately he decided it was too aggressive.
"He let me know repeatedly he still loves me and wants to marry, but on his timeline.
"I wasn't having it and kept on pushing so he disappeared for three weeks.
"No warning. This was a first for me.
"I decided to reach out to him with an apology, in addition to being open to a more reasonable timeline.
"He responded saying my message meant a lot to him and he loves me very much.
"The relationship feels like it's back on, but I'm not sure if I lost goddess / dream girl points as a result.
"Can I recover and how?"
My answer: You definitely did not lose goddess or dream girl points by apologizing in this case.
There are times when we need to apologize to a man. In doing so, we show our strength, not our weakness.
We're showing a man we do appreciate him... because usually - an apology comes because we haven't been so appreciative.
However - people who apologize too often - that is a sign of weakness. That is an excuse for something else that's going on.
Now let's back up a bit. The problem started when you started talking marriage and a ring. That's where things went wrong.
You can fix mistakes that are made with a guy - something I talk a lot about.
And you can even fix it when you "pushed" too hard for a commitment.
Ive lived with my boyfriend for a few years now and are going through a rough patch. He says my dog is more of a priority than he is! I told him to let me know when he feels I'm not giving him enough time! We talked more and all of a sudden he says "I don't chase after women" (meaning he will not chase after me!) Now I see this is a big part of the problem - if I don't pursue him and give him attention first he does the same thing and no one makes the first move ! Then because I'm not pursuing him, even though we live together he thinks something is wrong when actually I'm just holding back!
ReplyDeleteIn a relationship where you live together then hopefully both people are giving without one waiting for the other one to give first. Like you said, it's a rough patch and hopefully things will get better. Don't hold back - show your love if he is feeling neglected. Don't wait for him to always be the first one, not if you're in a relationship.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I hope he likes dogs!