Sunday, September 9, 2018

Doctor! Doctor! Epic song by the Thompson Twins

One of the greatest songs ever.

Was She Right To Apologize To Her Boyfriend?

Should you ever apologize to a man?

Will you lose your power if you do? Will you lose goddess points?

This is what I was asked by C., and she's given me permission to share her question:

"Mimi, I hope you're doing well and this note find you in high spirits, especially on Labor Day.

"As a follower of your emails, I would love your thoughts on how to be hard to get after my most recent experience.

"I've been dating a guy for a little more than a year. Everything has been great especially since I have always been hard to get from the beginning. He is the pursuer and I am the pursued.

"Unfortunately things took a turn for the worse when we started talking marriage, and I started pushing for a ring on my timeline.

"At first he seemed fine with the deadline, but then ultimately he decided it was too aggressive.

"He let me know repeatedly he still loves me and wants to marry, but on his timeline.

"I wasn't having it and kept on pushing so he disappeared for three weeks.

"No warning. This was a first for me.

"I decided to reach out to him with an apology, in addition to being open to a more reasonable timeline.

"He responded saying my message meant a lot to him and he loves me very much.

"The relationship feels like it's back on, but I'm not sure if I lost goddess / dream girl points as a result.

"Can I recover and how?"

My answer: You definitely did not lose goddess or dream girl points by apologizing in this case.

There are times when we need to apologize to a man. In doing so, we show our strength, not our weakness.

We're showing a man we do appreciate him... because usually - an apology comes because we haven't been so appreciative.

However - people who apologize too often - that is a sign of weakness. That is an excuse for something else that's going on.

Now let's back up a bit. The problem started when you started talking marriage and a ring. That's where things went wrong.

You can fix mistakes that are made with a guy - something I talk a lot about.

And you can even fix it when you "pushed" too hard for a commitment.

Mindfulness (Well, not quite.)

So today I was feeling philosophical. My little dog was sitting next to me with her head resting on my thigh. I thought, isn't that sweet; she's such a great dog. This is a special moment. I'm going to really experience this moment.

Then I started thinking about mindfulness; about how I should write about the importance of mindfulness...

.... About really being aware of every single moment and every little thing. About being totally tuned in to what your body is telling you.

... About paying attention to what's happening moment by moment, and how great it is to be mindful!

Then I suddenly realized that my dog is now sitting way across the room from me... 

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Weepy at Weddings?

Image source:
Do you ever get Weepy at Weddings?

It's hard not to.

This weepiness thing is getting out of control in some ways, though.

You know on Facebook? People share videos where someone starts crying.

And you're supposed to start crying too. Lots of people do!

This week, there was a video of a little girl who was crying because she was so happy.

Of course her Mom had to VIDEO the whole thing.

The little girls is not just crying a little... it's a lot. To the point that it really gets me, because this is some real emotional pain taking place.

I mean, these are "tears of joy," but they're still tears! A LOT of tears!

Mom keeps the camera rolling... PRICELESS, right?

Meanwhile, I'm thinking, this mom is kind of weird (translation: she's got a sadistic streak if you ask me).

(Should people post vids of their kids? Are kids really capable of giving informed permission to be embarrassed or identified on the internet for all time? Probably not. Payback will not be pretty. )

And there were hundreds of comments like "Awwwww!!!" and I'm thinking how horrified I am that this child is so upset.

When a child cries, instinctively it GRABS us and almost forces some kind of reaction.

And not just children, either. Right now, I'm taking care of a puppy. Speaking of crying!! (The puppy, not me. Yet.)

In the middle of the night, the puppy began crying pitifully, purposefully, loudly, and incessantly.

The little guy's tears drove me to action!

First I let him go for a romp in the back yard. He does his Puppy Biz. That must be what he needed!

But soon, back in bed again, I'm listening with wide eyes to more Puppy Tears!!

So I give him some more water, thinking that MUST be what he wants. I go back to bed again; the Piercing Puppy Crying resumes!!

So this time I try giving him some Puppy Food. Sweet Mother of Heaven and 50 Shades of Dog Breath, this works! Now he's a happy little fellow.

The fact is...

When someone is weeping, it grabs hold of us. Like this puppy - it's nature's way of making sure that his cute little pint-sized needs GET MET.

But what about this..... SUDDEN tears.

Those tears of YOURS that you didn't see coming.

You're watching a movie. Or you hear a song on the radio when you're driving.

Or sometimes it can happen just because someone says something nice to you. You reply back, then as you walk off, you notice that you're feeling tears. Feeling weepy. And maybe you don't even know WHY or WHERE those tears are coming from??

These are the tears to pay attention to.

These are the tears that tell you where your heart is right now.

Are you weepy at weddings? Weepy at proposals that OTHERS are getting?

If you are, then consider it GOOD.

It's when you STOP crying that you need to worry!

If you cry, it's good! It proves that you are soft and therefore lovable.

You haven't become a total cynic like a lot of people sadly have.

Giving up on love - that's what's sad.

But feeling weepy at weddings.... that shows you're still alive.

That love is in you. And that you feel your need to give and receive love.

Weeping is important and I wish you the tears that prove you have a heart of love!

Have a great day, and keep your Flirt on!

With love,
Mimi Tanner
Author of The Reverse Ultimatum: How To Make Him Realize You're the One He Wants To Marry

To read Mimi's regular email column "With Love," go HERE to become a subscriber.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Is It Time To Shake Things Up?

I wrote this "daily email" titled "Is It Time To Shake Things Up?" - and sent it out to my "list." But the real story is what I didn't say.

My 1997 Jayco Camper Van, a Class B RV, 170K miles and going strong
What I didn't say is that the advice I'm giving here is exactly what I have just done in my own life. I did shake things up by just "taking off"! I took off and traveled around the country for exactly 31 days.

I've been planning this trip for quite a while. A few months ago, I bought a 1997 vintage camper van - a "Jayco" - which they don't make any more. It's a wonderful vehicle, let me tell you!

I had lots of work done on the van and it was more or less ready to go. But as things got closer to being real, I found that I was starting to hesitate. I was starting to think that I wasn't that keen on traveling after all...

Nothing could be further from the truth for me. Yes, I love my home, but I truly, deeply love just driving - going places!

And what was I waiting for? Things could change and it might not be as easy to just "take off" - if I waited!

Snoqualmie Falls, Washington
So I stopped waiting. The timing was great - January - so I could take along my two dogs and it would be plenty cool enough for them to be in the van when I was inside a shop or a restaurant.

So off I went. I had some great adventures. I met some amazing people. And I drove over five thousand miles.

I can't wait for my next trip. I wouldn't change this one for anything. It's the best thing I've done for myself in years.

So when I wrote this email "Is It Time To Shake Things Up" - this is exactly what I meant!

Here's the email:

Tip of the Day: All growth involves saying good-bye to some things and saying hello to new possibilities. - Nathaniel Branden

Hey Beautiful,

Shake things up.

That's what you've got to do sometimes.

Whatever you're thinking about, I urge you, don't put it off. Find a way to do it.

Don't just keep thinking about it and planning it - do it.

This will clear your head about what's next in your life.

This will show you what you really want and what you don't want.

You may experience some holding back - some fear.

That's normal. When you break past that, you'll be so happy.

You'll feel the ease of being able to reach your goal.

Find a way to shake things up - if you've been in a rut for a while.

You'll be so glad you did!

Have a great day, and keep your Flirt on!

With love,
Mimi Tanner
Author of The Reverse Ultimatum: How To Make Him Realize You're the One He Wants To Marry

Notes from readers: 

Mimi, I have been using your program and my guy went from being complacent to "can't get enough of me" and now talking about "our" future together. I have been using these principles for about 6 months.

I guess what I figured out is - you don't stop. I am living my charmed life and will continue until my man puts a ring on my finger. I see him two weekends a month ( because I am attending college, so I stay home to study), I still go out with friends, and need my "me" time.

At first it irritated him that I was less focused on him and more on me, the status quo was gone. He knows I have plans for the future so if he wants to be a part of them he needs to get on board 'cause this train is leaving!!!

* * * *

I began seeing a man last spring who had left his 8-year relationship and had dated one woman between that and asking me out. He was very upfront with the woman that she was a 'rebound' relationship and that he had no interest in any long term commitments.

That's what he said - but she didn't seem to hear it. After 3 months she told him she loved him and started taking him to look at houses in hopes of living together.

He bolted. He told me this so that I knew where he stood and not to have expectations.

When I started seeing him I had already read the Reverse Ultimatum. I asked for nothing and continued with my busy schedule. When I was with him I was entirely focused on him. When I was not, I was busy with my own life.

He told me he loved me in three weeks. He proposed in six months. Our wedding date is set for June and we have bought a house together.

This man tells me every day how blessed he feels to have me in his life.

Bottom line here - when a man says he isn't ready for a commitment, LISTEN to HIM! I see women all the time who think that his kindness and affections trump his words. They don't.

Mimi, I think you are bang-on with your advice and am living proof that letting a man chase you is the greatest gift you can give to both him and yourself!

This totally made my day! I love what she wrote: "I see women all the time who think that his kindness and affections trump his words. They don't."

Listen To His Words!! (And then take it from there!)

Here's my Reverse Ultimatum step-by-step formula: