Monday, January 14, 2019

Why Wait for the Emotionally Unavailable Man?

I received this note, and it says it so well:

"Dear Mimi,

"I am FINALLY starting to realize something: unless a guy is really into you, don't go there or stay there, period.

"Every woman deserves a man who is wholeheartedly into her. Those guys who open up and shut down have issues that are never going to go away. This 'open up/shut down' B.S. is the way they are, and who needs that? It will probably NOT change!

"And do I even need to mention the problems of insecurity these men obviously have?

"There are great men out there who don't do that. I haven't been with too many men who do that, but the one or two who come to mind had ISSUES, and nothing I did or didn't do was going to make them see the light.

"It is a game they play whether they realize they are playing it or not.

"I have two men in my life right now, both of whom I always have GREAT conversations with! There is no constraint between us; we talk about anything.

"These men don't 'disappear' after a deep conversation. They both tell me I am beautiful, that they can't wait to see me, etc., etc. in a sincere way. They are both attractive, intelligent, honest, funny, sweet, athletic, VERY spiritual, etc.

"If I can have that, why would I want one of those nut jobs with emotional issues?

"It ain't worth it! Please, please, please DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME!!!! Never, ever, EVER try to rescue a guy! KNOW what you want and deserve and accept nothing less!

"A relationship only works well when both participants are emotionally healthy. If you have to lead them by the hand or help them along or play some kind of game with them, it will not work. -- C."

Thank you, C., you said it so well! I know there is no looking back for you. Almost every woman alive has had to deal with a man who was "off and on" emotionally, and as C. says - it's NOT worth it!

Of course, I must clarify that there is ONE game that I am more than okay with, and that is the Game of Love, which I'm here to help you WIN, and not only you, but him as well! (There are no losers in this "game"!)

Find out how to play the game of love in my program "Hard To Get: The Timeless Art of Conquering His Heart."

For women who aren't afraid to be a bit of a challenge!

Have a great day, and keep your Flirt on!

With love,
Mimi Tanner

Sunday, September 9, 2018

Doctor! Doctor! Epic song by the Thompson Twins

One of the greatest songs ever.

Was She Right To Apologize To Her Boyfriend?

Should you ever apologize to a man?

Will you lose your power if you do? Will you lose goddess points?

This is what I was asked by C., and she's given me permission to share her question:

"Mimi, I hope you're doing well and this note find you in high spirits, especially on Labor Day.

"As a follower of your emails, I would love your thoughts on how to be hard to get after my most recent experience.

"I've been dating a guy for a little more than a year. Everything has been great especially since I have always been hard to get from the beginning. He is the pursuer and I am the pursued.

"Unfortunately things took a turn for the worse when we started talking marriage, and I started pushing for a ring on my timeline.

"At first he seemed fine with the deadline, but then ultimately he decided it was too aggressive.

"He let me know repeatedly he still loves me and wants to marry, but on his timeline.

"I wasn't having it and kept on pushing so he disappeared for three weeks.

"No warning. This was a first for me.

"I decided to reach out to him with an apology, in addition to being open to a more reasonable timeline.

"He responded saying my message meant a lot to him and he loves me very much.

"The relationship feels like it's back on, but I'm not sure if I lost goddess / dream girl points as a result.

"Can I recover and how?"

My answer: You definitely did not lose goddess or dream girl points by apologizing in this case.

There are times when we need to apologize to a man. In doing so, we show our strength, not our weakness.

We're showing a man we do appreciate him... because usually - an apology comes because we haven't been so appreciative.

However - people who apologize too often - that is a sign of weakness. That is an excuse for something else that's going on.

Now let's back up a bit. The problem started when you started talking marriage and a ring. That's where things went wrong.

You can fix mistakes that are made with a guy - something I talk a lot about.

And you can even fix it when you "pushed" too hard for a commitment.

Mindfulness (Well, not quite.)

So today I was feeling philosophical. My little dog was sitting next to me with her head resting on my thigh. I thought, isn't that sweet; she's such a great dog. This is a special moment. I'm going to really experience this moment.

Then I started thinking about mindfulness; about how I should write about the importance of mindfulness...

.... About really being aware of every single moment and every little thing. About being totally tuned in to what your body is telling you.

... About paying attention to what's happening moment by moment, and how great it is to be mindful!

Then I suddenly realized that my dog is now sitting way across the room from me... 

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Weepy at Weddings?

Image source:
Do you ever get Weepy at Weddings?

It's hard not to.

This weepiness thing is getting out of control in some ways, though.

You know on Facebook? People share videos where someone starts crying.

And you're supposed to start crying too. Lots of people do!

This week, there was a video of a little girl who was crying because she was so happy.

Of course her Mom had to VIDEO the whole thing.

The little girls is not just crying a little... it's a lot. To the point that it really gets me, because this is some real emotional pain taking place.

I mean, these are "tears of joy," but they're still tears! A LOT of tears!

Mom keeps the camera rolling... PRICELESS, right?

Meanwhile, I'm thinking, this mom is kind of weird (translation: she's got a sadistic streak if you ask me).

(Should people post vids of their kids? Are kids really capable of giving informed permission to be embarrassed or identified on the internet for all time? Probably not. Payback will not be pretty. )

And there were hundreds of comments like "Awwwww!!!" and I'm thinking how horrified I am that this child is so upset.

When a child cries, instinctively it GRABS us and almost forces some kind of reaction.

And not just children, either. Right now, I'm taking care of a puppy. Speaking of crying!! (The puppy, not me. Yet.)

In the middle of the night, the puppy began crying pitifully, purposefully, loudly, and incessantly.

The little guy's tears drove me to action!

First I let him go for a romp in the back yard. He does his Puppy Biz. That must be what he needed!

But soon, back in bed again, I'm listening with wide eyes to more Puppy Tears!!

So I give him some more water, thinking that MUST be what he wants. I go back to bed again; the Piercing Puppy Crying resumes!!

So this time I try giving him some Puppy Food. Sweet Mother of Heaven and 50 Shades of Dog Breath, this works! Now he's a happy little fellow.

The fact is...

When someone is weeping, it grabs hold of us. Like this puppy - it's nature's way of making sure that his cute little pint-sized needs GET MET.

But what about this..... SUDDEN tears.

Those tears of YOURS that you didn't see coming.

You're watching a movie. Or you hear a song on the radio when you're driving.

Or sometimes it can happen just because someone says something nice to you. You reply back, then as you walk off, you notice that you're feeling tears. Feeling weepy. And maybe you don't even know WHY or WHERE those tears are coming from??

These are the tears to pay attention to.

These are the tears that tell you where your heart is right now.

Are you weepy at weddings? Weepy at proposals that OTHERS are getting?

If you are, then consider it GOOD.

It's when you STOP crying that you need to worry!

If you cry, it's good! It proves that you are soft and therefore lovable.

You haven't become a total cynic like a lot of people sadly have.

Giving up on love - that's what's sad.

But feeling weepy at weddings.... that shows you're still alive.

That love is in you. And that you feel your need to give and receive love.

Weeping is important and I wish you the tears that prove you have a heart of love!

Have a great day, and keep your Flirt on!

With love,
Mimi Tanner
Author of The Reverse Ultimatum: How To Make Him Realize You're the One He Wants To Marry

To read Mimi's regular email column "With Love," go HERE to become a subscriber.